Don’t Be a Mute in Meetings: How I Found My Voice

It may come as a surprise to many to know that I once was a shy, soft-spoken person. I would be talkative in small settings, but timid in front of a group, especially if there were people I didn’t know or those with more authority than me.

If I had time to prepare and was expected to present, I was fine. For instance, growing up, I was often selected to give speeches — like at my sixth grade D.A.R.E. graduation or at a city-wide Veteran’s Day ceremony during high school (patting myself on the back!).

But when it came to speaking up in class or chiming in during large group discussions, I would stay silent. This carried into my professional career. I could nail a job interview, present confidently when prompted, but never would I dream of speaking up during a company-wide staff meeting, nevermind a client meeting with five to 10 people sitting around a table.

I was often the most junior person in a meeting or on a call. The others knew more than me, had more experience. What could I possibly say that would add value? A lot, actually.

When I was in my early twenties as an account executive, I remember not saying a word in a client meeting. I was the youngest one there. The vice president on my team and the client executive would handle most of the talking, surely. And they did.

But after that meeting, the VP on my team pulled me and another teammate aside. She explained that from the client perspective, it seems odd that they are paying for us to be in that room and we didn’t say a thing. Why were we there? While we might have been the worker bees adding lots of value behind the scenes to that account, we didn’t demonstrate it when we finally had face time with the client.

It frustrated me when I would see the opposite taking place: someone who knew just as much or even less than me, but would come across so well in meetings and in calls to very senior executives. Why couldn’t I do that?

As I grew professionally into a manager and beyond, I finally found my voice — of course, with help along the way from those like that VP I mentioned who gave me a nudge or two, letting me know that this was now an expectation. I shouldn’t wait for prompting.

For anyone else who is facing this same challenge, here are some things I have learned along the way while finding my voice:

• Prepare. Beyond formally presenting something, you should be prepared to speak up even if it’s not “your slide” or designated spot on the agenda. Organic conversation will happen, so how can you best prepare so you have something to say proactively and join in on those discussions? How you prepare, of course, depends on what it is you’re preparing for. In my case, before a meeting with a client or prospect, I go beyond practicing the slides I am assigned. I research the company and its competitors; I read up on industry news. This way, I enter that meeting much more informed, making it easier to join the conversation naturally. While everyone should prepare, you may want to spend extra time on your preparation, arming yourself with additional nuggets of information that could potentially pertain to the conversation.
• Be conscious of your visibility. If you generally are not very vocal, give yourself a goal. For example: I want to speak up at least twice during this meeting. Don’t let a meeting end without your voice being heard.
• Be persistent. It can be frustrating, but keep trying. I would often attempt to jump in during a meeting or on a call, but, was overpowered by others. This was especially the case when it was a larger meeting with louder personalities and once again, where I was lowest on the totem pole title-wise. Now, if someone doesn’t hear me the first time, I try again, and again and even again. If the timing isn’t right, I wait and try to jump back in later.
• Make it personal. Address someone directly. I have found it much easier to break into a conversation with a large group — especially on a conference call — by addressing someone specifically by name. For example, “Steve, that’s a great idea. Something else I was thinking was…” If anyone will listen, at least it will be the person you’re addressing.
• Use clarity and volume. By this, I basically mean be articulate and loud. Sometimes the tone of your voice can make it difficult for people to hear you. Or if the cadence is a bit too slow, you will miss the opportunity to jump in and be heard. Don’t scream though! Someone recently said to me that while it might sound to you like you’re screaming, it probably doesn’t to anyone else. A good way to test this? Record a call or a meeting if you can. Listen to it back afterward. You may cringe at this idea, though it can be a good exercise to hear yourself as an “outsider” and see if you made the most of the opportunities presented.

As Amy Cuddy says, “fake it ’til you become it.” I am glad to say I have done this. I’ve found my voice — actually to the point of being too vocal at times. I catch myself overcompensating for all of the moments I wasn’t heard. Now, I need to do a better job at listening, not cutting others off and not dominating conversations. For me, the biggest hurdle has been overcome and it’s time to work on striking the right balance.